How I became Skew Sue

I was trying hard to write a blog - but if I wrote a blog what would I call it? I would write down names in a notebook - trying to find the right name. One night as I was drifting off to sleep suddenly the loudest voice in my head Skewsue. So loud I literally jumped up, wide awake now and thought WHAT ! The name of my alterego, my blog or something ...

So last thing in my mind before I went to sleep and first thing there when I opened my eyes in the morning. Skewsue my mind shouted at me. So I should tell you a fact - yes I am skew. Yes you heard me correctly - I am skew. Yes skew !

My body is skew (or maybe just maybe ...wild idea - I am straight and you all are skew. So physically I am skew - I have a 60 Degree curvature scoliosis from birth , there are a whole lot of formal names , descriptions and articles etc on that but I don't know much about all that and maybe one day will write and discuss more about the formalties, but not now.

The only fact of relevance at this point is that I am skew , and at 52 am becoming or will become skewer (is that a word ?) and will probably get skewer still (sounds like a sosatie now) as I get older. Fact I have always been ok with that, it's never been a huge issue in my life, there have always been other issues more important.

Try being youngest of 8 children - that is a challenge ! So I have had no real issues with owning it and openly saying I am skew and so f****g what who cares. But maybe just maybe somewhere I did have an issue with being skew and my subconscious was reminding me not to bury this insignificant fact.

Roll on approximately five weeks , with an almost daily voice in my head telling me again and again and again that Skewsue is more than just a nickname for my ambitions it was something about me and my journey. I firmly believe in gut instinct and God/ the universe/ fate/ and listening to my inner voice even when it has gone mad. So I started thinking and analysing and thinking ok so if I listen to this madness where would it take me , or where would I go with it .

Did it mean I would have to ramble on about the fact I have lived with scoliosis. I honestly have no facts about it because I never asked questions and just accepted that is was part of me. As the youngest of 8 children, I just did as I was told anyway so it is a subject I know very very little about.

It was just something I had to live with, no-one was that interested and I was encouraged to get on with my life. I discussed my craziness with my compadres - who meet one a month to discuss things that are very important.

As we chatted I faced a few home truths

1. I am physically skew

2. I am probably mentally skew as I really don't think the same way as most people

3. I am definitely emotionally skew - let me elaborate.

I cry when I am happy, when I am angry , when sad, when frustrated , when touched (not mad touched- emotionally touched) . I cry when I think of the anger and violence and bullying in the world. I cry for the child who has no friends , I cry for the child who has loads of friends , I cry for the bully , I cry for the victim . I cry for the tortoise crossing the road who might just get crushed. ... or at least I used to.

It feels like many years ago I did that. Then my emotions became numb. I died emotionally. I became a robot ......I felt all that once upon a time and then decided that in order to feel again I had to shake it all up , stop being a workaholic. I decided I needed to do something drastic, so I arose from my slumber , put on my thinking cap and decided that we should move countries ... a seriously skew thought and decision but more on that another day.

So I only woke up and started really living a few years ago. I decided that maybe if i just write whatever is in my head and I just write something down it will get these skew thoughts out my head, and there have to be some other skew people out there - even those who look straight on the outside. Somehow, someday maybe some other skew people will join me in a similar journey of their own. I cannot be the only skew person out there ...can I ?

- Supercalifragilistic! aka SkewSue

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